Why I Have Decided on Reconstruction

SEPTEMBER 2019 UPDATE: Due to complications in scheduling and a request from my oncologist to get a bone scan to make sure cancer hasn’t returned, I have canceled reconstruction for now. Maybe next year! And thankfully, the bone scan and other tests showed I’m still cancer-free. It’s good to be alive. :)

NOTE: This post could be TMI for some people. Proceed at your own risk. :)

At the end of this summer, I’m taking a big step. I have decided more than four years after my mastectomy to start the process of reconstruction. It wasn’t an easy decision since my only longterm option for having breasts again is to have flesh cut from my belly - pretty major surgery - but I’ve had lots of time to think about it, and, after talking with my surgeon, I feel good about moving forward.

How did I get to yes for reconstruction? It might be helpful to first explain why the answer was “no” for over four years.

I met with a surgeon in UW’s Center for Reconstructive Surgery prior to my mastectomy in 2015. At that time, I was overwhelmed with going through 5 months of chemo and looking ahead to a full radical mastectomy, 34 treatments of radiation, and then more chemo. I had to do all of that in order to live. The prospect of additional surgeries to reconstruct my breasts - something that wasn’t critical to survival - felt like forcing myself into more time as a patient, more time away from my kids, and I just wanted to get back to dancing.

I couldn’t fathom going through several more months of doctors and hospitals, and I wasn’t convinced the results would even be that great. I understood I would have a scar right under my belly button from hip to hip. As a belly dancer, it was scary to risk disfiguring my belly and possibly losing abdominal muscle control as part of an elective surgery.

There also might have been a part of me still traumatized by breast cancer itself. My sense of safety and confidence in my health had been ripped away. Why would I subject myself to months of unnecessary medical treatment, when there was no guarantee thatmy life wouldn’t be upended again by another unexpected health crisis?

For much of the last four years, I didn’t mind being breastless. Heck, it was freeing to run without having to hoist the girls up with at least two sport bras. I even ran two half-marathons and completed the full 10-mile/20 obstacle Tough Mudder. But I’ll admit, retrofitting belly dance costumes sucks. Belly dance costumes are designed to celebrate the female anatomy, and no matter what I do to camouflage my flat chest and scars, I never feel right in my costumes. Additionally, over the past year, I have been increasingly more dissatisfied with the shape of my body. I’ve missed having cleavage. I’m short and curvy. Having a rack was a nice way to balance things out.

So, I met with a surgeon in May, just to revisit the idea and ask some questions. It turns out, my radiated skin healed so well that it gives me the option to do a slightly different surgery than I was originally told was my only option. Because of the radiation, breasts will still need to be fashioned from flesh taken from my belly, but we can use expanders temporarily to stretch the skin and then fill the skin with flesh instead of patchworking it in, allowing the scars to be under the breasts rather than on top. Also, they can pull the belly scar much lower than I had feared - under my costume belt - and they won’t be touching the muscle. While my breasts will always be slightly different than natural breasts, the results look pretty good. Good enough to give me hope.

New boobs or bust! The next steps include surgery to insert the expanders in early September. The expanders will be removed along with the major belly/breast surgery that will likely happen in January 2020. Then, at some point, maybe next spring or summer, there will be a smaller surgery to create nipples/aerolas. A few months after that, I’ll have the color tattooed into the nipples/areolas.

It’s a long haul, but I’m ready. And excited. Cancer took so much away from me, but I feel like, in the end, I’m coming out on top. Yes, folks, the breast jokes just keep coming.

I’d love to hear from you. If you have any questions or want to share about your own journey, please don’t hesitate to reach out. If you’d like to read more about my breast cancer journey, visit my former blog, Amira’s Sequined Adventures.

To read more about breast reconstruction, there is some great information in this Providence blog post.